A story that have never told to anyone, except 4 days ago that told it to a friend. Well, it was 2008, my first serious experience at London, then a 24th of December, on that evening, I accepted to have a dinner that didn’t want to take on, however my moral said me that couldn’t reject to give that chance to the other person, once it was over and after tried to get an ordinary chat, had to take other choice, it was, that didn’t go back to my share room, so it meant that involved myself that was on the street for two days, as on the next day hadn’t transport working on neither.
Well, it was about 22:00pm, then found myself alone on Oxford Street, next to Tottenham Court Road, but it wasn’t other whatever night, it was Christmas Eve, or maybe it was another simple night, except for two smalls detail, one for my hypersensitivity (phobia) if was on my country, it would be unthinkable that was that night on the street, but in London could do that effort, second one, because the hotel occupancy was full or simply there wasn’t interest to rent a random number of rooms, and as I didn’t want to be in a hostel that noisy night, so decided to walk through of Oxford Street, before to catch up Oxford Circus, next to the M&S, below of small porch took a seat between carton and blend my knees against my chest while hug both of them with my hands, it was crying for a while, ACCEPTING and UNDERSTANDING the situation, a little time later, then placed my head up, looked 360 degrees around of me, as the humans were moving from a side to other, you weren’t anything for them, I was like that about 2h30mins, justly felt the reality to be a HOMELESS, but told myself that must to keep my body on movement, when stood up and took a sharping gazing, felt that my person have changed forever, began to look to the things even to the human as well in a way absolutely different, although still I didn’t understand that was happening nor of course bring to my inner a new conceptual integration yet.
So like that, I was walking to Marble Arch, then took the bus 94 to Notting Hill, once there, spent a short time on the McDonald, then was moving between Notting Hill and Bayswater, stopping on every hotel for a small and cheap room, then about 02:00 am in Princes Square, after to get in and exit few times from the same hotel, once that appreciated that there was a small chance, insisted to the receptionist through of explain him why I was in the street and remind him that day was, accepted to offer me a very narrow rectangular room, nice had a mattress but with bedbugs!, at least can take a good rest (about all for as my hypersensitivity was on that moment).
On the next day Christmas Day, as it included breakfast for my surprise, then was downstairs, took a single table, realise that was an person in evolution, observed that the CHRISTMAS had different worlds as humans want to live it, then could take a chat with different couples, someone from my country as well, so didn’t understand the celebration without being on family, then explained their reasons….. after I was for a walk through of the area, then on the lunch time was to the McDonald again (the only place that was opened that day), order a salad and a chicken burger (before had other type of nutrition), then was downstairs, was there for a long hours, eating on my rhythm, love to eat slow and on small pieces, then observed again (the night before as well) that the people come and go, it never stopped, could be couple, groups,…etc… or also someone from my country, listened their chats, even could be a good London guide during some few times while shared again why they were looking for a different way to live the CHRISTMAS DAYS… then realised that would need to stay other night more in the hotel as that day nothing would be opened and although could go back to my share room by walking which it approximately would take about 2h, however knew perfectly that it was the best choice to keep away from that.
Days after, appreciated tremendously that choice that had taken, it was the best choice ever have been able to take on, if the issue that suffered, was on the inverse everyone would attack the man, but the life is full of lessons, I needed to be out and grab everything that life were gifting me on that right moment, and that the other human can understand that on psychology is called “MORAL DEVELOPMENT”, independently if it was grabbed or don’t, but the responsibility that was depending from my hands must be done, because the simple is to keep holding those that consider right for us but maybe is not for the people we have in front of us, means that live permanently in an known area, in an dynamic impostor and about all to keep justly close in equal human relationships, that limit or block whatever chance to grow up without that have to depend from external factors, nor a number one on tennis or idols are exceptions on that, hope so that wasn’t like that.
” The life, God and all the uncontrollable power that the life has by itself, are always respecting your way in the same level about that you are willing to grab and adapt to new stages without helping from elsewhere to the real lessons that it has ready for you “. By Carlos Azuara
*At the end of the chapter will get the second part of that proverb……..
Anyway to conclude my CHRISTMAS’S MESSAGE, I didn’t need to travel abroad or to spend nights on the street, even in 2014 when came back to London for fourth time, had some nights like that with several different stories, periods, issues, contexts and human evolution, I want to say you that could have taken the easy way, to keep on my city, build whatever small business, to buy a Porsche or an AUDI TT (that was close to happen) and live as an authentic king!!!, however rejected to live that type of life, seek something else that could represent my purity and authenticity, so you know dear reader, what was and keep being the difference between my person and many other humans yet?, very simple, that my HYPERSENSITIVITY pushed me to find answers, or said clearly, to INVESTIGATE my own IDENTITY, it meant gave steps over the fears as if was really walking over the water that an OCEAN contain in its tremendous extension, it means that have to test yourself the whole time, but all the first step that at least I had to do, was to reject to everything that was considered as tradition or normal in attachment’s contexts (familiar, social and professional).
Look, said in another words while throw an arrow to your jugular, because maybe like that get to invite you to reflection about the subject of that message or even better can do inside of your heart a small click that push yourself to make small different steps, well, If go down, then straight away get up, crying out all the emotions but that come from of a anger or impotence feeling instead of looking for a sadness that have never existed or mustn’t exist, as it is always drawn for yourself, so grab it as an permanent state of gratitude or as I like to say transform the situation in a event of a integral strengthening, also it involves that each action, thought or feelings will address to the causes but don’t go to the symptom, even paint a channel of deviation to the cause, be careful here!!!!!!, that is not running away from the issue, well I mean, that we are inject oxygenation so can place to our brain outside of whatever type of somatisation that through of the time will change to chronic, as said above, even other times to make idols to others is not a great idea, you must be your own IDOL!!
Here, on that piece are catching up the hot point of that article, THE CONSCIOUSNESS, if speak about it now, then will get to enter in psychologic terms and would place us outside of the Christmas message, right now don’t want to get intensity on you, just to bring CONSCIOUSNESS in a day like today, that is CHRISTMAS DAY!!!, that in addition it is the meaning of that festive time, that you don’t need to wait to die to develop a real evolution on yourself, that the transformation is not happening in a day, is a process step by step, if you are willing to take risk outside of the traditional movements of the life, it means that jump barriers (never confuse with to move outside of the comfort or play with a better version of oneself, both are huge impostors of justification that are moving in fields of self-deception from my point of view) without caring about that there will be in the other side, because we won’t never know it, however if need that THE CONSCIOUSNESS can open to the MORAL DEVELOPMENT and that turn in a INITIATION TO THE EMOTIONAL DEVELOPMENT, and from here is infinite the multiple fields of action that may reach on the skyline of our own earthy world.
CONSCIOUSNESS = MORAL DEVELOPMENT = INITIATION TO THE EMOTIONAL DEVELOPMENT (not in relation with the human development)
*That long way will move us about emotional fields that will place our person so close or practically places us about a concept called EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE, so once there will offer you many tracks about that is and where is a definition that is seeking for everyone, THE HAPPINESS!!!. (A inner consistency that don’t need effort.)
Really is impossible to me, don’t close that article without saying loud something about TENNS, the own meaning throw of that consciousness developed and pushing fortunately for that Hypersensitivity (My Weapon), well, A TENNIS COURT, when I placed a step there or simple can stop for a while to look justly a simple tennis court or feel that someone is playing or coaching on there, then I am getting goose bumps, because it was my peaceful corner, the corner where a warrior get to stand up and seek who hell I was, as I could be listened and as could help to others, that placed over me in total predisposition as in a level of empathy as a force to feel the emotions from the neighbour that made on my inner that delivery a lot to others in detriment to my own person, but the price I paid was worth and still does, because grab out the states of stress in others or even that it comes accompanied from a honest and loosing smile is my huge reward at the end of my each journey although I am going to be placed on the same value, don’t mind as my consciousness and soul feel in gratitude with it.
the second part of that proverb mentioned before to the conclusion….
” Know as respect the way that life are offering you, is place in an ahead position to start to see the things clearly, for sure that during long time won’t understand them, never mind, because are small new prisms each few time, small clicks, but if are connected with the reality, letting us to set foot, then will be in process that every area will be benefit us and that will never have an ending as it is unlimited, but must have courage to change the senses always that it is needed on”. By Carlos Azuara.
A happy and constructive CHRISTMAS for everyone!!!.
Always pure tennis!.
S. Carlos Azuara.