MY TOUGH TIME BEGINS AGAIN.

Dear reader,

Although I have already talked about it in a Vlog called “la relación entre mi fobia y el confinamiento”, through of a very interesting question that a wonderful and very clever Canadian Woman made me few weeks ago, that by the way, I have become aware that didn’t give her all the answer that one woman like her deserves; so although she were able to read that, hopefully let me to do on person, face to face, because I am a person who need long hours to explain every small detail.

It was a question about my social capacities to interact with the people:  the rest context…you don’t need to know…simply was, Carlos, is for that why are you not displaying your social abilites with?. Apologise that don’t remind exactly the question but was in that direction. It was a gift to me to recieve it, much more in a way so direct and clear in, however still coudln’t explain myself why don’t give her a deeper respond than I did on that instant, well being completely honest with both of you (reader and her), I felt a little bit of fair to get her scared and then was runing away, but like said loved to listen that question on that tone, was the first time of my life that someone took it in a responsible way to investigate with the only goal to understand the inner of other human being, THE MINE. so is a detail that give her a great human value, but back to the question, is a hard question to my person that need the enough time to answer properly, confidence and the scenic width (I can’t explain it now).

Well, why am i telling you that brief story safeguarding all the personal privacy that in fact she gained in her own right?. That is very simple to answer you through of two different ways:

  1. The first way: The period of the year in that we are closing with. Alhough depending of the country. it can be a little bit later or before, for example here in London with hallowen and the Bonfire day (althouhg usually take between 1 week and 10 days around of the city) are around of the corner, the situations although very short on time have already started with, obviously my reference is all of that in relation with the Fireworks, firecrackers and etc.. without forgetting myself to include the storms and other noises, although on that country is something strange to see it, sometimes has happened on, like the last year, when in a moment that I was justly looking for the window of the an apartament that shared with a friend, on that same instant, how many times in the same second and place it could happen, a lighting clashing very strong against the pavement, it sounded like a firecracker bought at Valencia (Spain). Savage!!!
  2. The second way: My high contribution on psychology but with a physiological impact about all unition, through of a solid base that I couldn’t explain you 38 years of the life in barely few words, because you woudln’t understand anything, so you will run away and in the same way my person will be destroyed in a seconds again, well you can try it but you will never get it.  Let me to say that there is a drastic exhibition from my human side in every psychological concepts that surely you have heard to name it many times with a focus absolutely propagandist. Well, talk on present tense because it is still going with me, live with that, but also there were many consequences on my periods of childhood, adolescence and of course on the adult period till 6 years ago, everything were and still are phases where on each one of them, there are a lot details through of a brutal diving absolutely without any air in, so said in other words, a naked cohabitation between the life and the human. Let just to give you some small few examples:
  1. The Huge Fileld of concentration. A overriding need to get “the imaginary control of everything throw of my  mind.” so let myself to see every small detai to miles of the distance.
  2. Focus of attention in high level. It can be very sharp as even on motion to others facts around of the field of concentration.
  3. Alarm stated.   It is an permanent activation till any movement around of me, just in case that my phobia (the noises) are really close to appear out, so let me to get a huge skyline (field of concentration), here is where should get in your sefl-steeem because it is your security’s system.
  4. …………………….. like that I could folllow to name more psychological characteristics ………………………………….

* I don t want to forget that it had other characteristics that probably could be considerated negatives for a big group of the humanity, however when you are able to change your perspective, motions, thoughts, areas of space, coporal positions among other many things, all of that without ego, will see very clear that all sacrifice done will a cake of pure chocolate without sugar nor additives, a flavour in pure essence as the same product is, get to reach that point independently of all hard consequences around of that, is really an authentic gift where I can fell myself so proud and very strong in essence with whatever situation it is, doesn’t matter because really I am totally ready for all the situations of the own life, being the control my own rejected.

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